Snoring

For my faithful newspaper readers, this is an article and subject that I wrote about a few months ago, but is an ongoing issue at my house and I wanted to share with the rest of the world.
  While most homes are quiet during the night time hours, my house seems to come alive with sounds. Not the kind of sounds that go bump in the night, but instead the kind that keep me up and annoyed at night. While I share my bed with two dogs that are curled up at my feet, they are all silent sleepers. My husband on the other hand is a completely different story.
  I am a very light sleeper. It seems like these days even the slightest sound or movement can wake me out of a sound sleep and I have the hardest time falling back into slumber. My husband chooses to play off of this downfall of mine by filling my nights with the gift of snoring. I'm not talking a slight snore either, this is full fledged chainsaw snoring.
  Usually I try to calmly ask him to roll over the first several attempts, but then I get angry. The worst part is this is a man that is happy watching television for the remainder of the evening, after getting home from work, but for some reason when he is sleeping, he is busier than a bee hive.
  A couple of weeks ago when I asked him to stop snoring and to roll over, he told me that he would, but first he had to finishing turning his sockets. I laughed and told him to put the sockets away because it was the middle of the night and roll the heck over.
  Some nights I physically have to get out of bed and go over and roll him myself. One night while he was snoring like a maniac, I got up tried to move his 220 pound self, and then proceeded to go down the hall to the bathroom. As I was gone, I could still hear his chainsaw fired up all the way across the house. When I returned to the bedroom and once again asked him to roll over, he informed me that while I was gone, 16 people came into our room and told him what a quiet sleeper he was being that night! Seriously, how on earth does he come up with this stuff? It seems to me that it would just be so much easier for him to move over than try to come up with these outrageous stories to tell me. Our bedroom is so small that I laughed trying to picture how 16 people would fit in there to give him that information and I was only gone for a total of about four minutes, so they must have been quick during their visit.
  I have gotten so used to the snoring that one night while my granddaughter was visiting, she fell asleep in my bed with my oldest daughter, Tessa, while we were watching a Disney movie. Doug told me that he didn't want to wake them, so he just gathered up blankets and slept on the couch for the night. That night I woke up so many times and reached over, completely wondering why my room was so quiet. It would take me a minute to remember that Doug wasn't in there. The total silence that I had been craving for so long actually drove me crazy because I wasn't used to it and I would wake in a panic, thinking that something had happened to Doug.
  Last week he came up with a really good story, while once again snoring. I asked and asked him to roll over and once again he mumbles something that is totally outrageous. Finally I once again turned on my light and attempted to move him on his side. It was at this moment that he shared with me that he was going to move but had to finish moving the cow over first. What? We don't even have any cows! The things that go on in his brain during the night are outstanding and probably the reason that he is exhausted during the daylight hours.
  I would like to say that our snoring situation is over, but I'm afraid that it will continue to be a battle that I lose on a nightly basis. We have tried nose strips, extra pillows and even death threats, but nothing seems to help. I figure, although I'm tired most mornings, it does give me something good to write about and also something to laugh about the next day.